Christmas is coming.... but lately. It just hasn't been what it used to be. This will my third christmas without my Papa though, and I have a hunch thats why. All the Tv comercials, radio songs, the christmas lights and trees, it just... I dunno, almost depresses me. It used to be this big thing in my family to decorate the Christmas tree together and drink eggnog and have John Lennon sing in the backround, "so this is Christmas?" I must say I agree with him. I used to love the big christmas dinner we always would have with my aunts and uncles, Nana and Papa, cousins, even my brother wasn't that bad, It's all lost it's shine though. And even my hunch can't fully explain why. But really I don't think its Christmas that isn't what I used to see it as, It's the people I used to love celebrating it with.
As I get older, Santa Clause has left me, The easter bunny has failed me, My friends are changing, people are getting colder, in the search of warmth. I see my friends and peers, the people I loved I now often hate. People are so Greedy. For money, possesions, power, attention. I was always shy around adults, but never afraid to be myself in front of those of my age. But ever since about a three years ago, It seems I'm not allowed to sing and dance like know one is whatching cause they are, and they're judging too. I rarely see my best friend anymore. I think shes changed to, she always has been, But lately it been more prominent, I don't know If I can call her my best friend any more, or even call her at all.
I see all the poor and dying, they're everywhere, yet people choose to ignore it in theyre fur coats and polished sports cars. I don't how someone could stand to be so filthy rich when everytime you turn to chanel ten you can see the little girl with flies on her face, her ribs sticking out. You can walk out your front door, go down town and see the man who hasn't shaven in months with a tin in his fist and torn jacket in his hand. I know I can't do much now, But watching these people suffer, and the rich walk by and ignore it it makes me sick, and I know That I was put here, to help, everyone was, but they can't see it, they don't even want to in theyre absorbtion of they're self worth.
I think christmas used to be a time of pure innocence, and as I can't see the world as the innocent loving place I used to, I can't see Christmas as that Either.